I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
