i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
