I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
