I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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