I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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