I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How external is "for external use only"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
