please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
