nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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