So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize