The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
