i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
