there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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