it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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