I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
