smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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