do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
