i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
