I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
