I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize