My balls are so social today.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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