he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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