On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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