fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
