You really coming over, don't trick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
