God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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