he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
