Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
