Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
