so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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