Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
