He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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