were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
