At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
