ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
