The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
