lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
