I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
