I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
