just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
