Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
