I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize