White coat. Heels.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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