How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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