We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
