youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
