onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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