why didn't you poke me back
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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