So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
