What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
God I need to hump something, right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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