I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
