The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
