i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
