I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
