Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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