Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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