first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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