HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
