Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize