I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
