before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
