Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
