the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
