Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
