First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
