2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
