What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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