1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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