how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
